sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
