Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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