I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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