I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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