I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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