the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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