Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
