He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
