Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
