apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
