i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
