I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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