She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
