Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
