He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
