he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
