I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
