***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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