I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
