end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
