I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
