He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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