i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
