i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
