Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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