i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
