GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
