He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
