At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
