I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
