My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
