Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
