I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
