cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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