Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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