What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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