i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
