you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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