The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
