Your mouth is God's brothel.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
