You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
