anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
