so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
