Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
