He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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