can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Randomize
