i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
