on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
