Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
