I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
