Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
