So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All I want is dick and wine.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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