if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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